Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We were destined to go to rehab together
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
