Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
