Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
