If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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