he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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