we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
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