Your tits are I can't wait for
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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