Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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