so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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