I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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