I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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