If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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