he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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