I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
