I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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