Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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