I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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