Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
