why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
