How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
