Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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