I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
