Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(718): View more from New York

You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.

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(740): View more from Ohio

i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination

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(908): View more from New Jersey

fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.

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(706): View more from Georgia

Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....

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(540): View more from Virginia

Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.

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(845): View more from New York

Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.

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(310): View more from California

she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Did you finish that presentation yet?

(651): View more from Minnesota

No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.

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