hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
