Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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