I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I touched a dick in church today
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
