Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
