the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
