Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
