i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
