Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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