i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
