and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I think your dad took our porno
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
