how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
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he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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