Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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