so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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