so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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