i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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