had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
