at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
