Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
