Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
