He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
