I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize