Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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