I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
