In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He passed out mid-signature
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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