apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
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girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
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I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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