So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
