His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I use my feet as sexual weapons
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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