so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
