So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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