this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
