dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
