My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
