do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
