Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
