Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
