I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
