he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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