she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
