Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
