Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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