She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
