Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
