You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
