Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
