haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I need to sanitize my soul.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize
