dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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