lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
