Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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