I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
