There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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