we're making bets on your personal life
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
