Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
