ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
