No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
