Who did Billy Mays play for?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
