Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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