so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
