jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
